If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
