Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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