I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
