How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Floor bacon is actually really good
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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