Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
