Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
