You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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