nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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