If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize