If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
