At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
