im drinking this country out of the recession.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
