It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
