Betty ford says i'm here all night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
