hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
