Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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