dude i'm inner monologue high
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
