who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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