I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
