i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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