I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
