If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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