Betty ford says i'm here all night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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