I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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