So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
