After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
