All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Vodka?
Forever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
