I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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