Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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