Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
