So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
