even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
