I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
