my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
