did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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