I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have so much sex to catch up on
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
