we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
