So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
