i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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