Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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