Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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