Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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