Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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