She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
