the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
