you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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