Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
