I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
