I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
