I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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