May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
