And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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