I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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