shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
