I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
