so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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