Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.

Fav 9 4826 997
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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(207): View more from Maine

He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.

Fav 12 5082 1994
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"

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(773): View more from Illinois

We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left

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(312): View more from Illinois

She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.

Fav 1 190 103
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(813): View more from Florida

Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.

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