would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
