yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Girls should come with a carfax report
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
