You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
