I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
