I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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