i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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