so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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