highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
