Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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