Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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