yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
