shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
