my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i came on her dog
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
