oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
