Don't make out with my wife yet
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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