I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Boobs are out for the taking
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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