Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
