i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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